my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
