I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
