We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
