i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
