He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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