my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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