I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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