dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
