how can u be prego again
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
