Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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