I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
