you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
