And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
