the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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