i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
