we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Vodka?
Forever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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