Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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