I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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