Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
