so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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