I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I fill condoms, not promises.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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