im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
