i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just googled if crying burns calories
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
