I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
