i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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