i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize