Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
