the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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