How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
