It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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