I hope mine doesn't look like that
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
