Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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