thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
