I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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