You made me cry and you don't even care
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
