She said her name was "party"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
