Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
