I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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