And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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