don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
