My hair reeks of homosexuality.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This baby is an asshole
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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