you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
