we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
