I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Vodka?
Forever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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