So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
