i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
