And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
