So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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