Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We left an ass print on the piano.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The Olympian is in my bed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
