the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
