we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
