we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
