I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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