Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
