ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In other news, I just burned my penis
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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