Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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