Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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