Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
