a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
