i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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