He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
