i think i have two assholes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize