Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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