I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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