I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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