Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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