If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
