I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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