dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
