She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
