I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
