I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize