I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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