we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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