i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize