From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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