dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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