dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
