Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
