life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
