but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
