I will die if light touches me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
