How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
