Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
