Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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