Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
