So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
