2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
