Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
