turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
