don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
