Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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