So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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