Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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