It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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