Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
