It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize