whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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