i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
