i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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